Addiction

I’m an addict. To lots of things, but mostly drugs. Specifically I’ve been addicted or @ least borderline to : 1. Opiates  2. Benzos(xanax, valium, klonopin, whatever) 3. Alcohol

 

I could elaborate on each and maybe will later.

Ive been strugging with the drinking the most since I dont know where to  get opiates here, but both my husband and i receive large prescriptions monthly for ativan and klonopin.  Last year, I slowed down my drinking sometimes even going a month.. but for a good year, i was drunk daily and constantly, from rolling out of bed(kept putting off the hangover…). I puked, every day. I did a  GREAT many embarassing things. especially mixing benzos with booze. just last night my husband said i was slurring. idk how many id taken, maybe 3 or 4 mg. i felt normal in my head but he was so irritated by me trying to communicate with him but simply slurring. whatever you’re doing, you need to stop.

i agree.

i

yet here i am, 1 mg klonopin later and just wasted gift card money on brandy to drink in private, hoping husband stays so enthralled in his video game he will not notice im sipping a little ‘southern lemonade.’

we’re kind of at odds, more than usual, anyway, so he’s not likely to disturb me.

i know dancing led to the drug use. but the anxiety and fear when i moved across the country with a man i didnt REALLY know, kept perpetuating it …

 

im cleaning and drawing.

 

other things in my life are looking way up,  i just had to get that out of me.

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